oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Watching her eat just hurts me
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
