My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
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We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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