and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
