A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
