how do flat chested girls get laid?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
