I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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