I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
