You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
