Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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