Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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