therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
