Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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