it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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