feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
