Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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