if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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