Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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