mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
