Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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