My liver just broke up with me...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i think i have two assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize