I wanna bring you to show and tell
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize