Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
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Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
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My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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