Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you would pick up someone in the library
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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