is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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