So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That accounts for only three of the penises
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
