Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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