Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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