I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have tasted many bathrooms
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
