Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
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And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
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You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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