he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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