So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
