if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
