He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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