come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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