My balls are so social today.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
