Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
