Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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