I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
