shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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