He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
someone owes me an orgasm
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
