Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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