i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
