Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
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If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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