He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
