I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
