Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
