Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
