I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
vagina is talking i cant
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
