I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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