I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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