You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
