I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
