Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
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he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there were birth control emojis
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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