at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
