And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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