p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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