well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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