Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish i was in the wii world.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
